Or would they? Would they really hate being in a place where they would have contact with peers? A good home where you could visit daily, refreshed from a little rest rather than worn to a frazzle from around-the-clock caregiving? Would they really hate being in a place where Mom could bake if she wanted to, and Dad could do some crafts rather than stare at the TV all day? A place where they would have choices of five meals a day and could go to church without having to brave the elements? Would they really hate it that much? Or is it that your siblings would hate to see all of their parents money go for their parents care?
Sometimes facing reality about one’s family is hard. And money issues can turn what at one time seemed like a fairly normal family into accusative, mercenary monsters. When it comes to ugly issues like spending your parent’s money on your parent’s care, of giving them the best care possible and sparing your own sanity, sometimes you need to get professional help. You may even have to find an estate attorney to handle the details for you.
Somehow, you must stick up for yourself. Keep good records while you are caregiving. And if you need to buy your parents clothes, pay for respite care or get them into a care center, do it. If your siblings turn ugly; if they complain, threaten or manipulate the elder, then you may need counseling or even legal help. But you need to take care of yourself. No inheritance is worth your life. And no sibling worth having a relationship with would want you to sacrifice everything in order for them to get some money in the end.
Most families aren’t this extreme, but my e-mail volume suggests that there are, unfortunately, quite a few like this. Be thankful if you are from a caring family that puts the elder and even you, the caregiver, above the money. But if you aren’t so lucky, get legal help. You deserve it.