You, the caregiver, could end up buying food for the elder, along with your own shopping. You may be buying adult diapers along with your own aspirin, at the drug store. All of these “little” expenses are such that your siblings may laugh or get down right angry if you try to get financial help from them, or even use your elders’ money to pay for them. They want to preserve that inheritance.
They lay a guilt trip on you if you ask for financial help, or use your parents’ money for your parents’ care. They lay a guilt trip on you for wanting someone to care for the elders’ for a weekend, so you can have a sanity break. You hate to admit, even to yourself, that your siblings care more about sparing the elders’ cash and keeping it for inheritance than they care about the elders’ quality of care, or about your health and sanity. It’s ugly business.
When you tell your siblings that your parents are more than you can now handle, that Dad’s Alzheimer’s is causing him to wander and he is not safe at home, they tune you out. When you tell them that Mom’s incontinence is at a point that you can’t physically keep up with it, they respond by sulking, or even implying that you are bailing out on your responsibility. You took the elders’ care on. You need to deal with the increasing problems. But don’t even think of putting them in a home. They’d hate that!